pumpkin in the morning

There’s nothing like the safe anonymity of a chilly, autumn morning.

Myself and my older sisters went to a secondary school that was quite far from our house. They’re a couple years older than me, so some mornings I had to wake up extra early to take them to the bus stop with my mam before dropping me off to school later.

In the month of October, I never minded. We used to have these pumpkin fairy lights draped across the window and so I would make my bowl of coco pops and sit in the dark room with just those lights on, staring out the at the street as everyone else buzzed around me. Any opportunity I got to spend with these lights was where I felt the most calm.

I’ve never been someone to enjoy summer. There’s too much pressure to make the most of everyday. I like how much time seems to slow down in autumn and winter. My body bubbles with the warmth, even if the weather contradicts that. I feel like the universe is wrapping me in a soft blanket of comfort that I’ve always longed for.

The world becomes rid of expectations. Everyone goes about the mundanity of their day and are satisfied with the peace given to them from hot mug.

Before the age of 12, my pumpkin fairy lights got broken and I never replaced them. I think I became too afraid to give myself simple joy in that way. This morning, I bought a new set online. I’m so excited to stare out the window with them on as I eat my breakfast at 6am.